This isn’t funny

As a parent we hear those horror stories of naughty kids. We see naughty kids on television programs that paint the walls, break their dad’s brand new flat screen tv’s and shove their little brother’s lovey down the sink. We log on to facebook and hear about how our friend’s kids flushed a pound full of lego’s down the toilet and the only way to fix it was to hire an expensive plumber.

We think to ourselves “where the jello are that kid’s parents?” We say “My kid will never do that”. But you know what?

They will.

I was folding clothes downstairs and cleaning up a toy mess in the living room. All while the 3 year old and 2 year old were upstairs. Quietly. I should know better by now that Quiet = EPIC DISASTER.

My 2 year old son came downstairs and showed me his hands that were dyed blue. I have no clue where the dye came from. I ran upstairs and I froze. I literally froze and no sound came out of my mouth. I stood there like a gaping fish with my mouth open, unable to breath, unable to think. And I cried.

There in my daughters perfectly pink and precious room was a very large, very dark and very unremovable blue dye stain.

Meanwhile in a parallel universe I tried my best to find the humor in the situation. I tried to consider that in 10 years or 15 years from now this will be funny. This will be one of those “do you remember when you were a child of jello and made a big ol’ mess on your carpet with blue dye? HAHA WASN’T THAT SO FUNNY?!”

I physically still stood there shaking and crying and at the same time I was privately and forcefully trying to find the humor in the situation. That’s the substructure of motherhood – that is the design of my life and of The Funny Mom Blog. Motherhood requires funny.

I despise those parents that take a picture of their kid before dealing with the situation. But in this case, I had to. I had to have proof to show her in 10 years or 15 years from now that this was funny. That this was one of those “do you remember when you were a child of jello and made a big ol’ mess on your carpet with blue dye? HAHA WASN’T THAT SO FUNNY?!” Because otherwise I would fall apart.

Because Motherhood requires Funny to live.

I just got the carpets professionally cleaned on Saturday – 6 days ago. You know, 6 days before this monstrosity happened.