My Favorite Is Whoever Seems To Be Growing Up The Fastest

A few months ago, while at a play date with my mommy friends, a friend nonchalantly asked me in casual conversation if my oldest son was my “favorite” child. I replied yes without even giving it any thought. It seemed obvious to me at the time, both the question and my answer since I spend so much time thinking and writing about him and my feelings about being his mom.

Since then, I’ve thought about her question and my immediate reaction to her almost daily. Is he my favorite? And if he is, why? He challenges me the most, makes me the most angry and can get my blood boiling in 2 seconds flat. I mean and I’ll be honest here, I’ve thought about strangling him on more than one occasion. I also realize that most of the personal postings on this site are about my feelings of loss and my fear of letting go…of him.

Yesterday, I went to the spa with a friend and although I was gone just for the day, when I returned home the tides changed. I was greeted at the door by my 2 year old daughter and I realized she wasn’t a baby anymore. I was taken aback at her little girl appearance.  Her rounded baby chubbiness has been replaced by long, slender limbs. Her baby gibberish has been replaced by full conversations and her baby innocence has been replaced by little girl mischief. It took being away from her for just 8 hours to realize this. And just like that, under my very own nose she grew up and my feelings of loss and my fear of letting go now surround her.

………

Just a few moments ago my daughter came up to me while I was sitting here writing this very post and she gave me her doe-eyed, wide eyed look and asked in perfect clarity “Can I have an orange?” I stopped writing, smiled and got up and got her an orange. Just last week it seems, she couldn’t say more than 3 words in a sentence and none of them were understandable. Today, she speaks in perfect clarity. Today, she is growing up to fast and Today, she is my favorite child.