I have been thinking a lot lately about how much has changed in the last 5 years. Looking at old pictures makes old thoughts and old feelings come flooding back. Like this picture taken in January 2010 at Child’s Play in Temecula. We used to visit the indoor playground quite often with our playgroup. We haven’t been back since Missy was a baby.
This picture was taken in 2010 when my oldest was only 3 years old and an only child, reminds me of the mother I used to be. It reminds me of how anxious I used to be, how the whole motherhood map was unknown and my feelings of insecurity, judgement and fear lead our lives. Looking at this picture makes me feel guilty that my oldest was my motherhood guinea pig. Of course that is just the way with first born kids – they get all of the rules and expectations while their younger siblings have it much easier.
Above all else this picture makes me feel peaceful. Some people were destined to be teachers, some people were destined to be chefs or social workers or firefighters. I was destined to be a mom of 4.
